I should have known

You know how you can hear it in someone's voice when they have bad news but they don't want to tell you? The voice tries to sound upbeat and encouraging, but underneath there is an air of disappointment and confusion mixed with a little bit of pity.

Sometimes the "bearer of bad news" tries to dance around the issue at hand by trying to overwhelm you with all the positive news first. But you can't fool me, because I can tell when the other shoe is about to drop. I've been there too many times.

So, it was really no surprise when this morning, on my 6th day of stims, that I noticed Dr Funny was having a hard time finding my right ovary with the dildo cam. Hmmmm, seems your right ovary is being a little shy this morning, heh heh. But hey! Your endometrial lining looks great. Perfect, in fact! It's at 10mm. Let's go on over and look at your left ovary. Then he starts ticking off numbers to the nurse: 10, 11, 11, 12, 13, 12, 11, 10, 12, 8. Looks great, he says.

After he's satisfied that he's left me feeling totally encouraged and optimistic, (he hasn't), he goes back to the business of trying to find my right ovary. Well, it looks like your right ovary is not responding very well...He ticks off the numbers 6,8,7,5. I ask, well do you think it will catch up to the left or will it be a total non factor? He says that my right ovary will probably not catch up and will therefore not produce any eggs. Well, at least he was honest with me.

Maybe this shouldn't have come as a surprise. My cd3 FSH was 12. My E2 level on day 4 of stims was a measley 76.8. I should have expected that I would be a poor or slow responder. And maybe I'm being over dramatic in my announcement of my "bad news". I guess the follies on my left side sound like they are doing okay. It's just that I need as many eggs as I can get, and it doesn't help that my right ovary has given us all the finger and told everyone to fuck off.