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I won't bore anyone with the "to test or not to test" question because truthfully, I can't make up my mind about it one way or the other anyways. Some days I think Yes, I will definitely test on Saturday. Or Sunday. Or maybe Monday before my beta. Or maybe right when I get home from my beta. Other times I just think Fuck It, why ruin a perfectly good weekend? And besides, I don't want to test negative and still have to drag my sorry ass to the RE's office for a pointless beta. It would be like Dead Woman Walking. Who wants to deal with that? Not me. I guess I'll just decide when the mood strikes. Or doesn't strike. I don't know.

So, I'll just be here hanging around, waiting.

And making mental notes of every cramp and twinge.

And mashing my boobs together to see if they are sore.

And fearfully yet obsessively checking for that angry streak of red on the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom.

And wondering if I'm fealing some sort of early bout of nausea or did I just eat too much ice cream after dinner.

And wondering why I have to get up to pee at least 3 times every night.

And trying not to get my hopes up but at the same time trying to be hopeful.

It's out of my hands now. Three more days of this, and it will all be over. I've made a "negative beta contingency plan" that includes, but is not limited to, buying every post-Valentine's Day box of chocolate left at the grocery store and eating it all in one sitting. I feel as prepared as I'll ever be. I keep trying to warn myself that this is probably the end, but dammit, I can't get that stupid voice out of my head that is saying that maybe it is just the beginning.

Who knows? I guess we'll just wait and see