Serenity Now
When I got officially "released" from SNATCH, I felt pretty excited.
Great I thought maybe now I can relax a little and start to enjoy this pregnancy.
I think that thought lasted all of three minutes. Or at least until the ink on the new ultrasound pictures dried. But, this is a cycle I'm becoming used to: Freak out about condition of baby, morph into panicky freak before ultrasound appointment, go to appointment and see baby dancing around on ultrasound screen, feel relief, get pictures, go home, freak out about condition of baby.
I like to augment this cycle of pregnancy panic and denial by wearing my one pair of jeans that fit every day during the week (thankfully I can wear jeans to work), followed by making a trip to Target or Old Navy every weekend in search of something that will actually fit me until the following weekend. The maternity sections of both stores have been dutifully avoided so far, as I still look at those belly band type pants and want to run screaming towards the door.
In a feeble attempt to distract myself, I've started looking for new places to inject my twice daily dosage of Heparin. The sides of both of my thighs are not only completely covered in a kaleidoscope of blue, green, purple and yellow bruises, they are also starting to form hard lumps under the skin where I've been continuously injecting myself. Scar tissue perhaps? I figured that since I'm going to the beach next month I better do something about my bruised thighs.
First I tried injecting into my stomach. This was NOT a good idea. Not only did it bruise like hell, it hurt like hell too. So, I've resorted to injecting myself in the ass. Surprisingly, my ass cheeks are only covered in small, freckly type bruises rather than the large, half dollar sized ones I usually get. Plus, it hurts way less than any other area I've tried. I think I'll stick with this strategy for the meantime.
My first appointment with a real, live, OBGyn is on May 10th. After going to SNATCH for so long, the Obstetrician's office seems like a very distant memory. Hoping that I don't morph back into panicky freak by this time next week.
Great I thought maybe now I can relax a little and start to enjoy this pregnancy.
I think that thought lasted all of three minutes. Or at least until the ink on the new ultrasound pictures dried. But, this is a cycle I'm becoming used to: Freak out about condition of baby, morph into panicky freak before ultrasound appointment, go to appointment and see baby dancing around on ultrasound screen, feel relief, get pictures, go home, freak out about condition of baby.
I like to augment this cycle of pregnancy panic and denial by wearing my one pair of jeans that fit every day during the week (thankfully I can wear jeans to work), followed by making a trip to Target or Old Navy every weekend in search of something that will actually fit me until the following weekend. The maternity sections of both stores have been dutifully avoided so far, as I still look at those belly band type pants and want to run screaming towards the door.
In a feeble attempt to distract myself, I've started looking for new places to inject my twice daily dosage of Heparin. The sides of both of my thighs are not only completely covered in a kaleidoscope of blue, green, purple and yellow bruises, they are also starting to form hard lumps under the skin where I've been continuously injecting myself. Scar tissue perhaps? I figured that since I'm going to the beach next month I better do something about my bruised thighs.
First I tried injecting into my stomach. This was NOT a good idea. Not only did it bruise like hell, it hurt like hell too. So, I've resorted to injecting myself in the ass. Surprisingly, my ass cheeks are only covered in small, freckly type bruises rather than the large, half dollar sized ones I usually get. Plus, it hurts way less than any other area I've tried. I think I'll stick with this strategy for the meantime.
My first appointment with a real, live, OBGyn is on May 10th. After going to SNATCH for so long, the Obstetrician's office seems like a very distant memory. Hoping that I don't morph back into panicky freak by this time next week.
7 Comments:
At 7:43 AM,
Mellie said…
Hooray for graduating from the RE. Hoping things continue going smoothly.
At 8:40 AM,
charlie's mom said…
I definitely relate to the cycle of fear. Hang in there. What you know today is GOOD!
At 6:26 PM,
Demeter said…
The 10th is coming up so soon, you will be relieved with an OB appointment. I feel that way too. I could not sleep the night before the ultrasound. Have you considered getting a home doppler to hear the baby's hb? Perhaps that helps? Enjoy your trip.
At 9:16 AM,
beagle said…
That's a HUGE step . . . graduating from RE.
I think that when a pregnancy is so hard won it is impossible to let go of all the worry. Hopefully as things move along you'll be able to let go of enough of the fear to experience the joy of it more and more.
You deserve the joy.
I'm quite sure I'd be the same way. I'm not sure I'll quit worrying until one of my embryos goes off to college! :-)
At 6:37 PM,
x said…
I'm glad you found a better place for the shots. Despite the fear, it sounds like everything is going great. All the best!
At 8:22 PM,
Chastity said…
I had a knot in my butt for at least six months after I stopped my injections; I thought it might never go away.
At 9:10 AM,
Liz said…
Your first OB appt...what a milestone. I don't think the worrying will ever end. Glad things are going well.
Post a Comment
<< Home