Double Digits

Yesterday was the 10 week mark. Double digits. 25% of the way done. It's a milestone for us. A small milestone, but a milestone nonetheless.

Only my close friends and family know. We still haven't told anyone else. I find myself craving secrecy, privacy. I'm overprotective of this pregnancy. I'm not ready to share it yet.

But, it's getting harder to hide. I'm down to one pair of pants that fit. And two sweaters. I wear a denim jacket to try and cover myself so often that my husband has started referring to me as Debbie Gibson. Hilarious, that guy.

Regardless of my expanding waistline, the doubts are still there. After spending the last few days vowing to myself that I would try to maintain a positive attitude, I woke up this morning all in a lather worrying about ultrasound #2. Once again, I had convinced myself that this is all a big trick and now the jig is up.

When we got to SNATCH, I chit chatted with the receptionist. I like her. She knows my name now without having to ask. We talk about her hair a lot. She seems to like talking about it. On rainy days, she lets it dry curly. On sunny days, she likes to straighten it. I do the same thing. Guess it's our common bond.

Anyway, I feel like she looks out for me. I usually read the newspaper while I'm waiting. I stupidly decided to read my horoscope, which said "Don't take anything for granted. What you see is not necessarily what you're going to get." Great.

I put the paper down. I started wringing my hands. I stared at the door, willing someone to open it and call my name.

The receptionist must have noticed that I was starting to wig out. She called me up to her desk and said "I just paged your doctor and told him that you are waiting. It will just be a couple more minutes".

I could have kissed her.

Sure enough, the door opened, they called my name and off we went.

I closed my eyes and braced myself. The ultrasound wand went in. My doctor didn't say anything, so I opened my eyes to look.

I immediately saw the image of the baby. And it was MOVING. Waving and twisting and turning. We saw it's profile...lips and a nose. We saw it's spinal cord. And the umbilical cord. My jaw dropped. My husband squeezed my hand. It was amazing.

Before each ultrasound the DBTs take over. I convince myself that something is wrong. I worry and wait and stress about all the horrible posibilities. And everytime I am surprised when everything turns out to be okay. Better than okay, actually. It's wonderful.

I wish I could stay on this high forever. But I know that it is short lived. My next and last ultrasound at SNATCH is in two weeks. I will have convinced myself, yet again, of all the dire things that must have happened between now and then. But if I get another ultrasound like I got today, then all the worrying and waiting and stress...It will all be worth it.