If It Walks Like A Duck...

My muff hurts.

I don’t know how else to say it. Okay, I do know how to say it, it’s just that I can’t ever remember what the condition is called.

Plus, I think the word “muff” is kind of funny.

Dr Google calls it symphysis pubis dysfunction, a condition where my pelvic bones have separated in the front due to an increase in relaxin and progesterone. This is usually a normal occurrence, but in my case, they bones are so separated that they move more than they should, causing pain in my pelvic area.

Especially when I walk. Or stand on one leg. Or get in and out of a car. Or in and out of a chair. Or walk up and down stairs. Or roll over in bed. Basically, it hurts whenever I move my legs. The pain radiates from the frontal muffin area around to where my sciatic nerve is and up into my lower back.

So I told my doctor about it and you know what she told me to do to make it all better? Keep my legs closed. (My husband actually stifled a laugh when she said it.)

Apparently, my pelvic bones can’t move around as much when my knees are together. I’m pretty sure that will be hard to do when my due date gets here, but I guess I’ll just hope that the epidural hides the pain til after delivery. In the meantime, I’ve found that a heating pad/warm bath combo can work wonders for this condition.

The most ridiculous side effect of all of this though?

I waddle.

And not just in a “She’s 36 weeks pregnant” kind of way either. We’re talking about some serious duck-walk action. My ass sticks out, my hair swings from side to side and I get lapped by the elderly when I’m out in public. Humiliating really, but it can’t be helped.

Hubs says I should be happy that I only have 27 more days left to deal with this. But in reality, a piece of me is not ready for this pregnancy to end.

It may sound strange, but I’m going to miss her not moving around in my belly anymore, and not having her all to myself. I still can’t let go of the idea that this may be the only pregnancy I ever have, so I’m holding on to it with everything I’ve got.

I’m in no hurry to deliver, and if I have to waddle around for the next month, then fine by me.

And besides, how often do you get to actually use the word “muff” in polite conversation? Not often, I’m sure. So, I’ll be sure to take advantage of this time while I have it.